It’s the End of the World as We Know It…

Well everyone, this is it. I know that I predict this almost every single week, but we will not last much longer. Here’s the deal:

Scientists have discovered Kryptonite.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6584229.stm

What does this mean for our rapidly expiring world?

1. Scientists truly are nerds, if they can name a new species of dwarf-like people “hobbits” and a new chemical compound “Kryptonite”
2. Some scientists have way too much time on their hands. Some scientists are curing cancer, others are shedding light on comic book lore.
3. We’ve become so news-hungry, that when there’s nothing else going on, we’re willing to accept the most trivial stuff as news. Honestly, who is the most excited (or even remotely interested) in this case? Answer: Nerds. And as the box office for Grindhouse shows, nobody really cares about what the nerds are interested in, anyways.
4. Superman, wherever he is, is totally screwed. Because now that we know that Kryptonite exists, I’m trying to figure out where and how I can get some. And when I start my bid for World Domination (now accepting donations), I’ll be prepared. Bwa-ha-ha!

But seriously, folks. This isn’t news. I should’ve read this on Ain’t It Cool News, not Yahoo. While I’m glad that nobody shot up a school this week and no crumply old DJ stuck his foot in his mouth yet, there’s a time when we’re grasping at straws. I don’t know about you, but I’d be glad flipping open my web browser and reading “Nothing of note happened today. We’re all going on break if you’d like to join us.”